a_lone_mirage: (hulk scream)
Work keeps ringing me and I can't go because I don't have any money until Wednesday. I have nothing on my bus card and nothing in any of my accounts I'm overdue on bills I'm so fucked. Thankfully I worked more in the last fortnight than I have in the last 2 months. I asked my mum for $10 for my bus card and she gave it to me but it takes 4 trips to use that and then it's gone.
a_lone_mirage: (MCR lyrics weak)
I hate my shift co-ordinator.  The old one left and now the new one has taken over full time and I can never get shifts off her.  It's bullshit. 

I've done up some new resumes it's beyond time I move on I was just hoping I could save some money up. 



Everything I do just seems worthless/hopeless and I'm so over it.


a_lone_mirage: (Default)
So I ended up going to the volunteer place after having the most annoying anxiety attack this morning. They are nice there about 6 people in the office and I'll mostly be doing mail out a data entry which is good.

I'm just going to go on Wednesdays. I'm also going to teach myself expert outlook and excel windows has tutorials on their website and there is youtube so hopefully in 2 months I'll be kickass at it. In March/April I want to take a 4 day class of MYOB for beginners in the city it's cheap and there are only 8 places in the class. I'm more determined to get an office job and hopefully and extra 10k in salary per year. I can't live the way I am I'm not earning enough I feel so stuck and honestly it's all money problems. It frustrates me that if I had an extra 30k my problems would honestly be solved. My anxiety would be gone because it's all caused by not feeling financially secure. My one the this morning was that I didn't have clothes to wear that are appropriate because I can't afford to buy any. My clothes look very worn and very casual.

I'm trying and it's exhausting but in 6 months time I'm gonna be somewhere else and feeling free and that's going to worth everything.
a_lone_mirage: (Default)
Today I did a bunch of stuff when all I really wanted to do was watch bsg and lay in bed and cry but I didn't. I woke up ate breakfast had a shower, loaded the dishwasher, did the laundry, backed up my hard drive and prepared for tomorrow.

I just have to remember this quote

"To get something you have never had you have to do something you've never done" - Thomas Jefferson

It's true and I'm going to base rest of the year around this quote.
a_lone_mirage: (PATRICK Happy!)
I rang a place I want to volunteer at and they want to meet me Friday. It sounds like I'll learn heaps and they will have lots for me to do. I just have to stick it out for 3 months and seriously start looking for office jobs with references from them. I can do this. I will do this. It's actually 10 minutes from where I live so that's a plus.

I got my hair done today it's dark brown with red tinge to it. I just need to put the money from not going to the hairdresser for the next couple of months into an account and move.

I'm not sure what to wear on Friday but maybe jeans and nice top with good shoes. I guess I could wear my black pants and my blue top with slip on shoes.

Next week is my sisters b'day so I'll have to buy her something and I have no money. I hate getting paid fortnightly it fucking sucks.
a_lone_mirage: (Default)
I think my work is trying to push me out.  I really don't like it there.  I'm going to do a short course next month for medical reception.  Hopefully I can leave and do reception work by September.  The course is every Saturday.




a_lone_mirage: (Colin)
I got paid yesterday.  It's such a huge relief I was down to like $6 in my account.  I'm working Friday to Monday so that's good hopefully I can keep like 4-5 shifts a week.  I really need to pay my credit card off.

All those job applications went nowhere I can't even get a job at coles.  They sent me a you have been unsuccessful email. Fuck them.

I just feel so useless and unhappy in life.  It's pretty much my default setting and I hate it.  It scares me to think I'm going to spend the next 30 years feeling like this.
a_lone_mirage: (Joshua Jackson)
I want so badly just to run away right now. Just some small country town or some huge bustling city I don't care I just need to get away from here.
a_lone_mirage: (MCR lyrics alone)
I need songs that aren't about love or want.  They are really hard to find.  I did absoloutly nothing today.  I think I might break out old ER their lives suck way more than mine. 
a_lone_mirage: (Colin Morgan)

What a shit week it has been.  My Nans health has declined her alzhemiers has gotten the better of us.  In the last few days she just can't stand being alone I spent two hours playing cards with her today and as soon as I was telling I had to go she said don't go and I said I have to and then she was said come back later.  So I went up stairs to hello to my sister and her daughter and hang out for a while and I swear Nan called out 7 times within a half hour.  My sister tried to explain to her that we need a rest and for her to watch tv but none of it got through.  Even mum when she snap and yells at nan it doesn't make a difference now.  Mum has broken and called all the nursing homes to see if she can stay their for christmas she got her in one for a 4 days she leaves tomorrow.  I feel like crap we are sending her away for christmas but we can't take it anymore.  We are going to have 20+ people coming here for christmas and we all know that if she was here it would just drive us all insane and things wouldn't get done and our guests would just not get it. She needs full time care now by professionals she has started not being able to dress her self and she is pooing her pants.  She doesn't know how to work tv anymore.  The only things she can work is the jug to boil water her tea.  I've never felt what little spirit I have be so broken.

a_lone_mirage: (Prince Arthur)
Yesterday was horrible I cried because I can't take critisism I never have been able to.  My lecturer was doing mid-semsester reports and basically said I need to be more confident and that I was gonna fail if I didn't improve.  I'd rather she just fail me and not tell what she thought. I'm not like other girls I don't just smile for the hell of it I'm not a bright bubbly extrovert.  I've always been like since I was a kid I don't know any other way to be.  Comparing me to others and saying I should be like them isn't the right thing to say to me.  I'm me in all my fucked up ways.  I hope the world does end on the 21/12/2012.

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