I've done up some new resumes it's beyond time I move on I was just hoping I could save some money up.
Everything I do just seems worthless/hopeless and I'm so over it.
I'm just going to go on Wednesdays. I'm also going to teach myself expert outlook and excel windows has tutorials on their website and there is youtube so hopefully in 2 months I'll be kickass at it. In March/April I want to take a 4 day class of MYOB for beginners in the city it's cheap and there are only 8 places in the class. I'm more determined to get an office job and hopefully and extra 10k in salary per year. I can't live the way I am I'm not earning enough I feel so stuck and honestly it's all money problems. It frustrates me that if I had an extra 30k my problems would honestly be solved. My anxiety would be gone because it's all caused by not feeling financially secure. My one the this morning was that I didn't have clothes to wear that are appropriate because I can't afford to buy any. My clothes look very worn and very casual.
I'm trying and it's exhausting but in 6 months time I'm gonna be somewhere else and feeling free and that's going to worth everything.
I just have to remember this quote
"To get something you have never had you have to do something you've never done" - Thomas Jefferson
It's true and I'm going to base rest of the year around this quote.
I got my hair done today it's dark brown with red tinge to it. I just need to put the money from not going to the hairdresser for the next couple of months into an account and move.
I'm not sure what to wear on Friday but maybe jeans and nice top with good shoes. I guess I could wear my black pants and my blue top with slip on shoes.
Next week is my sisters b'day so I'll have to buy her something and I have no money. I hate getting paid fortnightly it fucking sucks.
All those job applications went nowhere I can't even get a job at coles. They sent me a you have been unsuccessful email. Fuck them.
I just feel so useless and unhappy in life. It's pretty much my default setting and I hate it. It scares me to think I'm going to spend the next 30 years feeling like this.
What a shit week it has been. My Nans health has declined her alzhemiers has gotten the better of us. In the last few days she just can't stand being alone I spent two hours playing cards with her today and as soon as I was telling I had to go she said don't go and I said I have to and then she was said come back later. So I went up stairs to hello to my sister and her daughter and hang out for a while and I swear Nan called out 7 times within a half hour. My sister tried to explain to her that we need a rest and for her to watch tv but none of it got through. Even mum when she snap and yells at nan it doesn't make a difference now. Mum has broken and called all the nursing homes to see if she can stay their for christmas she got her in one for a 4 days she leaves tomorrow. I feel like crap we are sending her away for christmas but we can't take it anymore. We are going to have 20+ people coming here for christmas and we all know that if she was here it would just drive us all insane and things wouldn't get done and our guests would just not get it. She needs full time care now by professionals she has started not being able to dress her self and she is pooing her pants. She doesn't know how to work tv anymore. The only things she can work is the jug to boil water her tea. I've never felt what little spirit I have be so broken.